At the end of January 2018, my father, following a number of years of ill health departed his body. He received great care and passed peacefully with his family at his side. My dad was a gentleman and tried to stand for something good in this world. One of the beautiful things about his passing is that the illness and whatever shortcomings I had imagined, faded, and all that is left is his light.
Even though I consider myself fairly grounded and peaceful I was still affected by this and one week after the funeral I took grief on a plane with me and journeyed to India for 5 weeks. The focus of the trip was meditating and praying, while journeying through chanting in Mayapur, dancing in Goa and yoga and Ayurvedic treatments in Kerala. Sure why not!?
2 Days Goa – some sun and dancing – begin to unwind
1 week Mayapur at World Krtian Gathering at ISKON temple.
Few days Calcutta
3 Days Quiet at Little Cola beach, Goa
5 Days Chapada, Goa, dancing
2 Weeks Varkala – Sun, sea, yoga, ayurvedic massage, treatments and more.
The frist few days dissappeared in now what feels like seconds! Then I found myself in Mayapur, where we had the fortune of staying right by the Ganges and watching her flow morning and night amid people bathing, washing sari’s, boats transporting goods and children playing. To the core of kirtan in Mayapur, West Bengal, home of Lord Caitanya and Lord Nityananda and the Panchat Tatva I wandered. I got to cry, ponder, meditate and dance with devotees and deities. One of the highlights of the trip, was placing red roses in Ganges for my father and what followed, where a monk sitting on the bank annointed my forehead. Although unplanned I felt instantaneously that this was the purpose for the entire trip. In that moment I felt my father's spirit in the heart of the great mother and father. I could let go a bit more. He was in a good place and I chanted and gave thanks.
At Goa I enjoyed quietness and integration time on a paradise beach before travelling to the heart of psychedelic trance! Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to dance. Meditation Dance has long been a love! Through breath awarenss one's inner vision opens up. All sorts of visions come, such as the energy system opening up, clearing, DNA spiralling, connecting to the trees and the stars, flowing sacred geometry, light beings! So much fun and makes me feel alert and clear for days after too. I've got to do more of this in Ireland!
In Varkala, Kerala I sat bathed in the light of the divine. Integration and rest. Can not describe the grace I received. It felt like pure generosity and kindness from the creator. The food was amazing, in fact it was amazing everywhere, the yoga empowering, the atmosphere clear, the treatments divine and the overall experience just wow! I believe I began to experience here, a deeper awareness that is occuring to many people throughout the planet at this time.
The journey had many aspects to it. Here is some of what I experienced. It is what it is. It is long, I warn you! May find something in this to enjoy. There's more too, that I don't mention, but sure enough is enough as my mother would say :) There is a beautiful song I love at the end.
- Trance dance/ meditation dance is good for me. With it, I’m more alert, in tune and happy!
- When I am irritated with someone, be it anger or anything that sparks a conversation in the mind about another, rather than go into the story about someone or myself, instead I choose to pause, breathe, chant a mantra if it helps, and visualise white light everywhere in the present moment. This clears the trigger and lets it slide like water off a ducks back. BE HERE NOW is the way.
- This returns my awareness to ‘I am that I am’. Feeling negative is destructive. Thoughts are distractions! I see a thought or issue but choose not to go with it and see what happens. Instead I choose to be here in the present moment seeing more light, feeling peaceful and warm. Sometimes I just laugh at it all including myself and take 3 breaths! It all helps. It all works!
- Being authentic is everything. In us and those we meet. When we are, we get to see who we really are, the good, bad and ugly! And it’s all okay! If we have the pattern of anger or self-loathing etc we get to see it. Then we can recognise the pattern we are operating with, own it, acknowledge it as our karmic thought patterns and maybe even understand its cause if we wish. E.g. Krishna says that the cause of anger is expectations not being met. A devotee told me this at Mayapur when I had shared that I’d had a rage (against my travelling partner!) and was meditating on why I’d reacted so intensely! The rages had started when my father got quite ill and I could see I was off and acting out some wound/ pain body. This made total sense, it was exactly when my expectations weren’t met that I got fired up like a queen something :D.
The day following my rage, I had a powerful return on karma! I got stuck in an intensely challenging place for a few hours over which I pondered my thoughts, words and actions of late. I pondered over the rage I had expressed the previous night and on a few occasions, 'Quick to anger,' I heard. I realised and acknowledged that quick to anger is not the way. I turned it around and vowed that I would from this moment on be, 'Slow to anger!' I repeated it many times over the following days. The intensity of the challenge helped focus and looking back it was a turning point. Although frustrations continued at moments, it all got much easier and more enjoyable, I felt more present and stronger and I didn't turn into a crazy hyeena again! :)
- This awareness of expectations also helped me greatly. I recognised the expectation had snook up without my awareness! I chose to remember and let go of expectation. A healthy practise! That which happens, regardless of how it looks is for my higher good, and so I let go of expectation and go happily with whatever arises with ease. The focus shifts from others imperfections(!) to being happy and peaceful with oneself(!) I recognised the trigger would need to occur a few more times for me to fully shift the pattern from reacting unconsciously to being conscious and remaining in peace and ease. Things improved and I think it's sorted! We'll see! All good.
Move into Beauty Consciousness if you so wish, everything is here for you. Consciousness brings awareness.
Move into softening.
Move into self-love with each breath,
Slowing down, realising,
I am comfortable here.
Bringing each part of body into being comfortable here.
Move into unconditional love.
Looking each direction and feeling unconditional love with each,
Above and below, people and places.
So it is.
Move into the space and white light in which thoughts come and go.
I am here.
Sitting under the tree
The bodhisattva and tree alight with the in breath and light everywhere fills the surroundings with the outbreath.
Each thought is an entity, an option spinning to the right or left side of the tree. That’s all they are, options to interact with or not, to be distracted by or not. Right now I choose not.
Recognising repeating thoughts as karmic patterns of thinking . Clearing my karma so it does not need to repeat!
When I think something regularly it means I have an attachment to the thought. Seeing the thought clearly as an entity, I instead choose to not engage with it and be in the white light. Quite refreshing! I like this! Magically a more peaceful and present reality arises, which one might expect, but in addition, what might surprise one is the peace this brings into your future nows. Other worldly.
I had the good fortune of meeting good people and encountering good beings along the path. I heard some wise words.
In Mayapur I danced watching Lord Caitanya and the PanchatTattva, slept next the Ganges every night and watched an older man sing to Krishna and Radharani. I saw and felt the flow of divine generosity. In Goa I met Krishna, Shiva, Parvati, Lakshmi, Vishnu and Kali. I came close to Parvati, Lakshmi and Kali who brought me on an adventure! Shiva appeared when I needed him and then I realised he is everywhere. In Varkala I learned more about Hanuman, who saves his devotees from the sea and inspires their friends. I experienced the wonderful mysterious limitless sun and the bodhisattva again. Hare Krishna! One night in Varklala I heard the inner self say, tomorrow I will wake up a new woman. The next morning I awoke and heard, ‘Today I am a new woman.’ And so it was and so it is!
The ego seeks to separate always… It can wreck havoc with a good relationship. To make the most of the moment we must continually bring ourselves back to oneness with the present moment and the other. Travelling with an ex-boyfriend is a really good practise for this! That's the price to really get on well and it's worth every penny!
My desire to recognise patterns of thought as attachments (i.e. thinking the same thought regularly!) and surrender this attachment was strong and encouraged deeper awareness throughout the trip.
Indeed if I didn’t have these tools the trip could have been a serious challenge! But it wasn’t! Even though there were some tears and frustrations, I was after all dealing with grief and inner journeying, it was 1012%+ a truly Divine experience.
I wished to let go of any thoughts of my ex, and of my attachment to these thoughts.
I wished to surrender and let go so that if we ever did meet again or indeed I meet anyone again, I would no longer be experiencing reality through a pattern of karmic thoughts, but as a true and clear moment of being.
Through this all I have learned to respect mirror, respect each and everyone I think of and meet, and respect myself. Everyone and everything has a soul and is to be respected.
A young guy from the Himalayas who worked a food stall in Goa wore a tee-shirt with Respect Mirror written on the back of it. My eyes were drawn to these words and I found myself meditating upon them for a few days.
I realised that everyone was my mirror and especially whomever I was dealing with in any particular moment and that I would consciously respect them fully from now on. First I looked at my travelling partner, and applied it to him; I thought I respected everyone but realised with this, that I did not always respect him, nor at times, his words, ideas and actions! I think most people with a travelling companion or partner/ ex partner can relate to this!?
It is funny to say so now. But with this shift I felt so much better and more present. Judgement subsided and I could hold him in my vision and focus upon the present moment for longer. I softened. I understood and could feel that as a result, my physiology, mind and emotions were more stable and peaceful. Result! It was good for both of us, and great for my relationship with all.
I met an incredible presence of a being in Goa. She told she followed the path of Karma Yoga. I go forth with this feeling in my heart. She said, 'Everything I do, say and think is good, and therefore the opposite is also good!' Worth a ponder or two for sure! I’m still pondering!
Be with someone with a good heart and your world will transform.
I respect all I meet.
I respect mirror.
I am happy with myself and all I do, think and say. Amen.
I surrender all
Money, home, love, mission, purpose et al.
Be clear and see what arises.
Be here now is the motto.
I am in the field of unconditional love.
I recognise I am not the pain, heartbreak or sadness, I am the I am.
I am that I am.
Sometimes it’s important and right to fight.
I separates; No I unifies one with the present moment.
As Sri RamaKrishna says, 'The highest ideal is eternal and entire self-abnegation, where there is no ‘I’, but all is ‘Thou.’'
Give yourself to the present moment because the present moment will give everything to you.
Be the present moment
We are here to die, set yourself up for a good departure!
Attachment takes us out of the now
Clear clear clear and be here now!
Lonely is just when we forget to feel god’s presence…
Every day u wake up is a new life
Every day you are a new person.
Give people options and you will live in abundance
I let go of judgment of others.
I let go of self-judgement too! Feels good! And life more fun!
We have the option to allow the present moment to be and act through us. The pain is just when we have a pattern that is out of harmony with what is being called for in the present moment.
I speak , sing and breathe with light in the face especially the nose and chin. Grin!
We are connected, One with sun.
Remember this connection always for strength greater than any ego!
The sun offers limitless strength and presence.
If I saw everything that happens and occurrs as coming from the sun, I’d be in a continuous place of appreciation for all!
Be free of thought so you are open to experiencing the limitless light flowing here.
The terrorists are everywhere but they are internal. They can only find you if you are negative in action, word or thought. Thinking negatively/ destructively will lose you the opportunity to be and bask in this light. Thinking anything slows one down and is a distraction. Sometimes I just acknowledge a thought as a little football size entity that is hovering to my right. I see it, don't engage and focus on the light which is everywhere and permeates all, and smile.
Being humble is a beautiful feeling and something worth practicing.
There is a game going on. Beliefs create vibration and the reality follows.
Here, I am comfortable with myself.
Life is like a movie and everyone playing a role. What is your role? There are signs of your role, just look. What role would you like to play? Why?
Write your movie, decide what character feels best to you in this movie. Change the story if you wish, and ask God to direct your movie through you! May we always remember that we are here to serve. There also doesn't need to be any story any longer if you rather. You get to decide.
To stay and be on this paradise earth we must realize that this is God’s planet. God is here emanating in everything. Can I see him/ her!? Yes I can! This awareness opens the experience of Paradise Earth. It is a wonderful worthy journey. The heart is good, and you will meet others with good hearts too, you could say god is alive in the hearts of all, or the hearts of all are aware of the divine in all. And this is where we are, and so it is.
All in all I had an amazing trip. I bow in gratitude and service to the great creator, mother India and even my wonderful travelling companion! I am still processing my father's departure and that comes at moments and is blessed. I am peaceful with what is and wish him and all my family love and oneness. I especially wish him with his next journey lots of blessings. I am judging myself less and living each day at a time, loving nature and spending more time outdoors. I am not chasing connection but enjoying it so much when it arises. I mostly am in the now and still enjoying the inner beauty and light that was stimulated over these 5 weeks. I had a little anxiety before I left for this trip, but did it anyway. I am so glad. If you have a callling for a journey, may you go and may it serve you well. I am considering offering a retreat in Varkala India in the next year, so if this resonates for you, please get in contact. May everyone who wishes, get to enjoy long holidays! <3
I had the beautiful pleasure of hearing and meeting the sweetly generous of heart and spirit Ilan Chester at Mayapur. My heart softened and expanded in love as I listened to his pure, gentle and generous kirtan. I knew nothing of him but his sweet sound and when days later I saw him walking the campus I jumped at the opportunity to say hi and find out something about this being! Turns out (not surprisingly!) he is a well recognised world artist. Above is Track 1 from his album Symphony of the Soul. Days later when I put it on for the first time while unable to seep in Calcutta, I wept. The whole album is a beautiful listen, may you too enjoy. <3
Finally, finally, following this trip and the return to Ireland I have one thing to say and that is, 'Thank you.' Thank you to the great creator, thank you to India, thank you to Eiru, thank you family, thank you Dad, thank you light, thank you dear travelling companoin, thank you peace, grace and thank you love.