It’s been an emotional time meeting my birthday this year. And I understand why, I feel fucking amazing! So much focus on turning 40. The last time I remember this much emotion about a birthday was turning 30 when I had a 3 week sad lull at my age and achievements! Jeez it can be tough growing up!
As I headed towards this day the past few months I have felt an inner strength growing and my feet feeling more and more connected and supported by this beautiful planet. I feel like many parts of me are coming together, the full package is here! All the ingredients have steadily been assembled over the past 40 years and now I am fully standing here smiling, easy, likes it’s taken 40 years for an explosion to occur. I‘ve watched slowly and felt the pain of being blown apart and the beauty of coming back together again. Now I feel together, still human, still feeling emotions but together, and this is great!
The aging thing is mostly fine, but where did that time go!? Most people around me have a partner and children. I guess I would not have experienced what I have if I had.
And that is the big one I have found at this precious age. The pain of being the woman without child or partner. Of course I’ve had a partner, even a few! I also feel deep within a mother though I have no children of my own.
To be honest I felt an incredible sadness about this the day after my birthday and it surprised me. I am a happy woman, surely that is the point, if there is a point, which I’m beginning to think there is not, but if there was a point would it not be about quality of life rather than the children and partner checklist!?
To pine after what we don’t have is so not interesting. It feels not only a waste of energy but also boring and insulting to life that gifts us so much every day. Though sometimes I know it can feel so hard. I used to visit a friend who spent most of the time of our visit complaining no-one cared about them. They seemed oblivious to the fact they had someone who cared front of them. You know what I mean?
I’ve learned a lot about happiness and have worked with it on many levels the past 14 years. It led me to make my first ever real choice. 13 years ago I made a choice to be happy. I was feeling depressed, living in New Zealand at what should have been the happiest time of my life, great home, great location, great partner, basically had everything going for me…except a dark cloud! I was so busy doing what I thought were the right things to do, I had not ever stopped to ask myself really deep questions of what I personally wanted from life. And that’s where so much changed. The first choice I made back then was to be happy, how funny a well educated young woman had not realised till the depth of sadness was visited that happiness was a choice and that she had had power at the click of her fingers to make that choice! On wards it went as I moved through so many wonderfully amazing experiences while learning to navigate deep sad soul wrenching sadness! It took 5 years of intense self-work and cleansing on many levels to heal and stabalise myself in peace from that moment, though like Irish weather there were intermittent beautiful sunny spells in between thankfully. This is the standard story of most healers/artists, the shell(ego) has to crack for light to come through.
In the Chinese 5 elements we continually move through each element, all of life being composed of continuous cycles, short and long. So staying stagnant is never the way! Moving through, embracing change and however you feel is the way. Use these feelings, they have power!
To the timeless mind this way feels like an amazing journey and opportunity into wholeness.
Each of us are experiencing different aspects of the evolution of man, this is my journey.
So here I am; strong, knowing yet vulnerable, happy yet sometimes weary! Spiritual awakenings and energetic shifts can take time to integrate. It’s not a race but I‘ve learned it helps to have a purpose to each morning’s beginning. This is why I have spent years developing healing sessions, Meditation techniques and The Soul’s Goals Books to help other’s going through this shift.
Being 40 is cool. I feel like being more public with my work and sharing more openly. I welcome this and feel like there is such a magnificent path ahead. May we all find our magnificent paths regardless of money, children, partner or other outer details. May we touch and locate this true inner richness, the light, the inner spark and share it with each other, for is that not why we are here, for each other to raise ourselves and each other up? To enjoy connection with all? Time has taught me much. I have loved deeply and hurt deeply. I have journeyed in self-awareness and into the presence and realisation of Divinity and continue to. There is so much love, understanding, compassion, depth and more. I discovered the inner flame and integrated it through my entire being. Yes it’s taken a while but God is it powerful! And watch out because I’m going to use it! Remember evaluating your life on a Disney movie or someone else’s vision is bad for your health! There are no rules and we decide our own value! You are so valuable and wonderful, trust me. Do you love yourself as much as the most beautiful starry night!? Nice! We are here for each other. Let’s keep smiling and raising each other up. Xx
Here's my gift for you, enjoy and remember I love you this much and more Xx